| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004 |
| 4:56 pm |
why do i miss him??
I called my friend the one in the hospital yesterday he didn’t answer I called twice and left a message he texted messaged me late at night saying my new area code didn’t work and sorry that he hadn’t called back. Today around 5:30 he called just when my mom and I where talking about him he told me my text messaging wasn’t working with my new area code. He didn’t sound good; he said he had been pock a lot, I felt bad. He is out of the hospital but has to go back on Monday for ration and chemo therapy. But today they did a marrow biopsy and did a produce he explain to me like this.. They stick a needle in this spine and put chemo. Then I don’t know if he was talking to me or some else but he said some thing about a “good girl”. I don’t know if he was refereeing to me. I didn’t like the way he sounded, I am WORRIED!! I want to see him, and I can’t. I can’t do anything to help him I am frustrated. He has been sick for so long, I hasn’t seen him in April. I wish I could be normal like my mom said “you are a good friend, normal teenage girls would just say ok and go on with there life but you worried about him and even cry after you talk to him” I wish I was like that but I am not. I ask her why I am not like that she said” because he is like you best friend/brother he means a lot to you”. I don’t know why he means so much to me if we haven’t known each other for that long. But he does mean lot to me. I am just tried of worrying about him and thinking of him all the time. And how I get worried when he doesn’t answer his darn cell phone. I have to admit, he is one of the people that knows who I really am, he always will to help me out in anything, and showed me that he wanted or wants to help me out with the problems the especially the one I have with my dad. I wish I was like my mom said a “normal teenager”. After I hang up the phone I started crying because he didn’t sound good, just remember bring tears to me. I WANT HIM TO GET BETTER, I WANT TO SEE HIM, AND I WANT THE ILLNESS TO GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t want him to sound the way he sounded. I DON’T WANT HIM TO GO THE HOSTPIL ANYMORE OR HAVE ANYONE POCKING HIM OR ANYMORE CHEMO. I WANT HIM TO GET BETTER!!!! I MISS HIM SOOOO MUCH, I MISS HIS HUGGS EVERYTIME HE SAW ME. I miss the way he would give me advice. I miss the way we would tease each other. I MISS HAVING Breakfasts and LUNCH with him and sometime dinner. I miss when he would get mad at me for my stupidities and the way he knew me so well. I miss paging him, I miss his present. I miss him asking me what time are you going down stairs (to eat). I miss ask him that as well. I miss bumping into him when he was busy. I miss walking with. I miss him telling me stuff about people. i miss many things, that I never though I would. Why does he mean so much to me??? I don’t understand. And if you are reading this tell me why you mean so much, since you know sooo well!!! All of you reading this might think I am crazy... Sometime I think i am Current Mood:  worried |
| Friday, April 23rd, 2004 |
| 6:54 pm |
long time
here an update spring break was fun even though it might be the last time i see someone. i went to knotts with tara go time had fun. moved out of my room. i have no room. people teared down our bathroom we have no bathroom we take a shower in my mom room which is pain in the ass. at school we had untiy on wed. it was fun too. it was a lot work. i was tired by the end of the day. that same day i had a volunteer reception. i was lame i got a bean babie though. this week i been worried about someone i wish to be kept anonymous. i found that person is sick. i left a message but hasnt aswered back. i know this person wouldnt tell me they are sick. but it killing to know not know anything about them. Current Mood: worried |
| Tuesday, February 10th, 2004 |
| 7:23 pm |
last night night had the Weirdest/freaky dream. let just up it this maybe i wish it happen but not in that age.it scared the crap out of me. i dont know what that dream meant but it was werid. lately since yesterday i have been looking at thing different i am not sure if its bad or good. maybe i am just growing up who knows. i just think it werid i start thing about thing and my point of view is different. i drop my cell phone some where some of you may know it funny but i wont say it. it got all wet and it doesnt work now i have to call the place so they can sent me a knew one. oh yea one more thing that i forgot that me victor have in common we are picky on the poeple we like there personality. dont get me wronge we will talk to any one it doesnt matter who it is.but whne it comes to certian things we both look inside the person not the looks. Current Mood:  shocked |
| Monday, February 9th, 2004 |
| 7:53 pm |
Interesting weekend
well how the the title said it. ummm i kind of feel different got to know a certain person more. i am glad about that i hope we get to know each other better. we are like brother and sister. i tell him he tell me stuff. we both soemtimes feel like flick each other off but we dont just because it not the right time and we make fun of it. i gather be with him than other poeple. he gather be with me even though i told him to go sit with his friends/co-worker. a certain person when i said we where clsoe i think she thought we were close in a different way.i was like NO.some of the stuff was stuff i didnt wanna know. some stuff i ask my self why he said that peroid of time. i wonder if it was because i said something about that amount of time.i am glad i got to know this person more than i did just over the weekend.we both ate lunch on sat. and sun. we talk about an hour maybe even more. it was werid b/c earlier that wekend i told we didnt know each other as well as he thought and thihk he might have relize that. i know i did. few thing we have in common make fun of little kids but we still like them. both want to adopt a child. think a certain thing about kids that perent dress a certain way. interseted in the medical field. like pespi think some people are werid. like to boss people around. make fun of each other care about things are the oldest parent use to leave us in the when we where little. these are a few things i learnd about him Current Mood: content |
| Wednesday, February 4th, 2004 |
| 7:07 pm |
my eyes and national guards
i went to see the eye dr. he said my eyes are not that good as they use to be i could see prefect but now i dont see taht well. he said i didnt need glass but then my mom said if i could because i read alot and that could cause prombl. i didnt want glass but my mom made me. then the other day i got a letter from the national gurds tehy want me to join it. i go basic trainig while i am in high school. i told victor and w/o even thinking about he straight out said no dont do it.i was like ok i thought i was werid b/c he didnt even let me finish once i said national gurds he said no. if i do decide to do it many people are going to have a said so on what i will be doing people are not going to want me to do that other will it will just be too much drama. b/c there are just way too many people that get involve and i care what they say. what should i do?? help Current Mood:  curious |
| 6:07 pm |
monday
on monday we went to the hopstail. i think i was in a different world because i forgot diana was working even though i saw demar yesterday .i saw nancy and derek they were working in thefront desk they make a good work team. tehy are funny and great. i wish they would come on the weekends.then i saw glady and saw her about 3 times then she ask why i didnt open the gift shop anymore i told her people made me cry. that when victor shows up i was like yea he saw me cry. then he was making fun of me and i went to try trip him playing around ends up getting me and hugging me. then gland was like she likes to be pet that when victor even huggs me more and i put my head on his should and we hold each other while he is petting me. i his such a dork i was funny though.then i got to the info desk to say bye and there is hot guy and derek heard what i say and tell me to hold on while he pages him. i say no i g2g they start following i wnet to the cafeteria so victor can defended me lucky derek stop following us. he so kind buy trying to do that but i looked terrible and i didnt want to deal with anyone. i wish they would come on the weekend though. i should try to get my license so i can go on the weekday. |
| Monday, February 2nd, 2004 |
| 12:49 pm |
this weekend i did nothing!!! well expect go volunteer. i saw victor omg i never saw him the way he works with other people. it look like if he was Mr. popularity among the dr. i was trying to ignore him because he was surround by the snobby people . i did like it. and the way he stood and talk on the phone. let me tell you he was different. i was going some chart comes in the back and hit me hard. it hurts dam him. i was like ok. Then he started saying these things about me to this volunteer saying not to listen to b/c i was bossing and things like that. i was like "isnt the opposite arent you the one that likes to boss people”. Later i paged him asking a question i didn’t like the tone of his voice . i got mad later when i realized it stupid ass. he nice when he want to be he can be a dump ass at the same time. then later i saw him in the cafeteria i kind of ignore him i was like yea whatever kind of thing. then i went inside and one of the student that was eating with gave me a dirty look . and he still wants me be to quiet. Then people come up to me saying why i am not open like if i had something to do with it . then later mom was like so victor mad or something just b/c he didn’t go say hi to them when he said he was.DOES IT LOOK LIKE I AM IN CONTROL OF WHATT HE DOES??? She thought that some thing happen between me and him b/c he didn’t stop by. i could care less |
| Saturday, January 24th, 2004 |
| 1:36 pm |
happy
i just finish mice and men, well i finsh around 11 but yea. i was on the phone with sunny.right when i was on the phone with lauri too. one was on my cell phone the other was at my house phone. i told lauri i would call her back. sunny said she was out of town b/c she was working with somebody that is going to pushlish a book. i thought that was kool. any way i am getting used of reading so much stienback it like i need more to read when i am finish reading a book. its scary.. i never thought that would happen to me.i use to hate reading!! know i guess i becoming to like it. hahah i dont believe myself.well i was on the phone with her for about 35 minuties its was scary. well i need to finish another book then i am done with the readaing of this semester. Current Mood: happy |
| Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 |
| 6:28 pm |
stupid, stupid
a liitle email i send I just called someone it seem to me as if she was upset. then I ask where to go because I didn’t want to open the gift shop, I ask if I could go to a certain floor then she responded as "I have a thing about mother and daughter working in the same floor" is that true??? because I don’t think its right its never been a problem and the way everything is gonging I am getting real upset that she might loss a volunteer. what going to be next that I cant friends, she going find out about a friend and she not going to want me to have friends especially one that hugs me. people are also going to start complaining about that and she going a have a problem with that too. because victor does hug me wherever and even one time feed me in the hall way. sorry for putting all this to you but I am just getting tried of everything. it has never been a problem I think you are the only one that understand how everything is. Current Mood:  pissed off |
| Monday, January 19th, 2004 |
| 5:33 pm |
yestersay
Yesterday wasn’t the happiest day. In the morning, I saw my sister and jeeny. But I didn’t see Dottie until way later. I went to look for jeeny upstairs. when I see victor we talk and hugged .I need to go down stair to get ready for the gift shop. The door was open when I got there. Got every thing ready and saw victor again b/c I was still looking for jenny he made fun of my shirt by saying you could put a quarter there. I did not find that women anywhere. He offered me some food I didnt want any. Walk with upstairs. Then I went to peds. Saw my mom and Opened the gift shop. When upstairs again paged victor b/c Delia asked me to. I call the operator to tell her that I was upstairs for a while. Then she was saying some stuff so I went down ASAP. Thats when victor calls, Delia asked me to tell him some stuff so I did. When I got there I call again the operator and she starts telling me all this stuff I got angry and started calling essie I ended up crying because I was frustrated with everything that had to do with the gift shop. This guy was ready to kick some ass to who ever it that I to me he wanted to know what they I didn’t tell him. Everyone was worried about me. I was crying for a very long time. Then I went down and the stupid ass gift shop. Then victor show up trying to be funny or what ever he was trying to do. hugs me in the back puts his hand close to my throat I didn’t want to let go of him. Ask me what was wrong, I told him. He tried to cheer me up. It was impossible. I wanted to distract my self so went with him down stair and I wanted to see if the gift shop was open. He wanted to get something to drink then he look at the drink and didn’t like them. So we left we went the other way of the gift shop. I didn’t care because I wanted to walk. That when he wanted to know some stuff. Then he made me walk with him to his car. While we walked I told him some of the stuff. Then ask me if I wanted to walk or if I wanted him to take in the car. I told him I didn’t care. He was like get in the car. I don’t know if to go or not to but I did. He when drop me off he told a few thing to try to make me feel better. I was like ok then gave a hug in the car some how. I look terrible too I don’t know how I got that much attention from him. But he kept hugging me thought that time. I think he just wanted me to get in the car with him. i was like way off yesterday I didnt know what was going on. he has a very nice car and just bought a new house. Then later that night I find out that a person that, I love every much a relative is dying. Which isn’t every good b/c she was also very depressed. I just hope she doing ok. At 3 this emt show up yea he kind made me forget about. He was cute and nice. We joke most of the time. I kept making fun of him. I made him go to the lab with me b/c I didn’t want to go by myself. he hol;d the blood i signed the papers. then I made him go get me some chip from the gift shop. He tried to lock me up in the treatment room he can’t. Then this pa saw and made fun of us I just laughed. I guess thank to him I was ok but I was still off. Demar saw us together and I don’t think he liked it very much. Victor he just to sweet I love him every much as a brother. He always there to listen my problems and me. He always trying to cheer me up, he is always hugging me front of people he doesn’t care who see us together. That why some time people give the dirty look because they like him. He teases me, makes jokes. Has the greatest personality, is a gentlemen, is funny, sweet, and very cute. I can get him to do stuff for me. That’s why I love him every much. Always makes my day to see him. Even though yesterday was different b/c of those stupid people. I hope we keep in touch even when I stop volunteering and when he leaves. Today I still feel depressed Diana just call and I started crying again. I don’t think I want to go volunteer anymore well at least not at the gift shop. I really could care less about that. If I go I will just go to see victor and Dottie and Diana this weekend and that will be on Sunday. I don’t want to open the gift shop anymore. I hate the operator. Current Mood: depressed |
| Wednesday, January 14th, 2004 |
| 8:44 pm |
vegas
las vegas was fun except that I was sick for most of the time. On Friday we left late we got to the hotel around 11:30 it seem way long. We got in settle in. it was nice just the fact that you smelled the smoke smell everywhere. Everyone took a shower except me I was not feeling very well I just went straight to sleep. on Saturday we got up around 9 am we to eat around 11am but the place my mom wanted to eat wouldn’t open until 11:30 so went to the arcade. While they got in line I went upstairs to the room to drink my medicine. While I was at the room, we had a message it was ms. Weber making sure we got there ok. Then I head down stair to eat I really didn’t eat that much. Went upstairs then head down to the stripe. We went shopping and to the m & m factory. That was it for that day. I got really sick late night though. i made my mom go look for medicine. She didn’t come back until 1:30am., she had felt around 11:30. I stay at the hotel resting. Then I didn’t go to sleep until 5 am because I felt so sick. I felt sick thought the day even I keep telling my self I was fine. Every time I ate, I had to go upstairs to rest because it was just too much for me. I would suddenly get dizzy I would try to distract my self some how some times it worked sometime it didn’t. Then after going to sleep at 5 am, I had to get up around 9 am because I need to get ready for the wedding. I don’t know how I made it. We left the hotel around 12:30 we got lost getting to the hotel were the wedding was being held at. We made it on time. The wedding was short but beautiful. I am really happy for Ms. Weber and Chris. I am glad that they are happy. Ms. Weber kept giggling thought the wedding it was quiet funny. After ward we headed back to the hotel to get the present then we to get wrapping paper. Then when to the hotel stay in the car wrapping the present. Then went to the room fast to change. Then felt to the reception. We got there some how at first I thought we where lost. Then we found the place. It was nice too. Ms. Weber was really happy that we where there. Her brother was sitting next to us. His little girl is so cute she has grown a lot since I saw her. Kids do grow up to fast. I was like come here Lauren. Then she came to me people we looking at me stranger. I guess they didn’t think she knew who I was but she did. At the end of the reception I start not to feel good. We had everything ready to leave home. But my mom decide to stay because she was tried and I was feeling very well and it was late too. so we told ms. Weber she wanted us to stay and got happy. Then she asked us what we were going to do my mom told her that my sisters were going bowling and I was going to stay in the room and rest. When I got there I rested for a few minutes then my sisters kept bugged to go with so I went then went to the room and rested more. Then the phone rings …. Its ms. Weber asking and telling if am sure I don’t want to go b/c its fun that we should meet in the bowling alley. I told her I went and I was resting but I would go later. So I did and I bowled for my fist time. Everyone was surprised I was doing it with my own free will. I had fun even though I didn’t feel good. Lauren looked soo cute sitting next to Phil. Chris and ms. Weber are still over protect of me I had this thing on my back and they where like what that it better not be permanent. Ahahah. My mom was they still think you are their little girl you should have seen their face. Tuesday I was still sick. Horrible flu. Today I felt better. Tomorrow I have unity for pals I will see how that goes and mecha meeting during lunch, then suburban legends yay!! Current Mood:  tired |
| Thursday, January 8th, 2004 |
| 7:59 pm |
today
today i got to school i wasnt feeling very well. in the middle of firstmy stomach started hurting. when i got to second it was it was still hurting. but i had to take a test. it was esay.then i got in my group and started talking tothis guy. i met him once when i was out with a person but really didnt get to talk to him. well we talk for a while he seems pretty kool. then i got to third period i started feeling dizzy it wasnt good.then my friends told me to go home i told them i couldnt b/c i need to get my stuff from my other classes. then i closed my eyes b/c i couldnt handle they fot worried. told me again to go home because i was sick. well i didnt. fourth period i was ok. but by luch time i started gettting dizzy and with a tummy ache. my friend told me i wasnt walking straight. then i told her i felt dizzy she was like that why you werent walking straight.then rosalba was like yea i got it too. i know how you feel. where talking about the stomach flu.5 period we had a lock down we didnt know what was happening.later i find out that there was a shooting near my school.going to 6 period i wasnt feeling very good. i walk in my class my teacher said to me you dont look so good, youn shouldnt risk you health for your grades. i told i felt as if i was going to throw up and felt dizzy. then he was like well if you need to that just leave b/c you dont look so good. |
| 7:29 pm |
things to do today
Things to do: by class period 1- crossword puzzel 2- nothing 3- nothing 4- nothing 5- worksheet that i dont get 6 - study for test I feel sick dizzy and wanting to throwing up Since we are leaving for las vegas friday night i have to get ready and get my last min. stuff ready. the wedding is sunday afternoon. i really dont feel up to it.but i am going to do my best since its the wedding of two wonderful people that i know and that i know it mean a lot to them. i just hope i dont get worse than i am. Current Mood: irritated |
| Wednesday, January 7th, 2004 |
| 3:38 am |
stomach flu
at first i thought it was a stomach ache that just wouldn’t go away. Thinking the dr. was just going tell to not eat spicy foods. that they usually tell me. But nope this time the dr. took a urine example b/c he thought I had something wrong with my system. Well it all came out negative. Which meant no i didnt have whatever he thought. then he said it was the stomach flu. That i just had weird stomach flu. He said to only eat jello, soup, sprite, craker, and things like that. its not fun. i thought today was going to be better i was getting ready for school trying to think about something else then my stomach, but then i got dizzy and a head ach. If I would have known I had the flu i would have done in the begging. so i would have felt better. dottie even said I hope you don’t have the stomach flu and guess what i do. its not fun!!!!!! Current Mood:  sick |
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